sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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