last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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