I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
