now i know why i became what i already was.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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