I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would ride that face into the sunset
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
