Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
