I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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