I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
