i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
