my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
