eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
