How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
