I'm drive I can fine osifer
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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