Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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