3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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