Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
