if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
