If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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