Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
