I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
