I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
