There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How external is "for external use only"?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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