You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
