So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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