He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
