we made out on top of his cat.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
