We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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