The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
