just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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