thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
