oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
