Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
