drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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