ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
