i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
