Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
