eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
