For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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