I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
