More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
