ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
