I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
