I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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