Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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