We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
