Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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