No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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