I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
