I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
