11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
pray to the hookup gods
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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