Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
