hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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