Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
