Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dick very happy bro
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
