Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
