just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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